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wtf am i supposed to do now? [Nov. 21st, 2009|02:43 pm]
maybe breaking up was a mistake.
maybe i want to be with you
maybe just maybe i need to clear my head.

well this just sucks.
i need to figure out myself, before i figure out us.
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ive been walking in the same as i do.. [Nov. 20th, 2009|06:04 pm]
maybe i just do not want to be with you right now.
maybe my attitude towards everything is saying i can't do this anymore.
maybe its my turn to be on my own.
maybe i am just crazy, but maybe i am speaking the truth.

maybe i just want you all to my self.
maybe i am just that selfish.
maybe i just don't want you to be hanging out with a person who just drags you down and doesn't bring out any of the good qualities i see.
maybe he just adds to the reason of why i am not too much of a party-er.

maybe you just don't understand me at all.
maybe these "drama queen" moments are me just being myself because that's how i feel the need to feel love.
maybe me starting a stupid fight with you is my way trying to get attention and wanting to be by myself.

maybe i am just lost.
maybe i am just crazy for you.
maybe i do not know this time.
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(no subject) [Nov. 18th, 2009|08:32 pm]
i had this moment in the shower, when everything in life felt perfect (despite me being sick with a cold)... i am in love with everything. eddie, my car, my family, etc.
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(no subject) [Nov. 5th, 2009|08:42 pm]
"we do strange things for the people we love. we lie to them. we lie for them. there maybe some bumps along the way, but we never stop wanting the best for them."
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11:30pm [Oct. 28th, 2009|11:37 pm]
"i don't think i could do without you.."

such a powerful statement said to me tonight.. it was kind of scary but i don't think i could have felt more amazing after i heard it..

i love you.
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(no subject) [Oct. 26th, 2009|11:55 am]
i feel a lot better getting that off my chest... it feels like years of weight on my shoulders has been lifted even if i didnt say anything to her face.. just knowing i wrote down made me feel better..
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(no subject) [Oct. 25th, 2009|05:25 pm]
I hate that you turn everything into something about you.. If we are out somewhere, you always have to be the funnier one, the smarter one, the prettier one. Can you ever just give me the spotlight just one time?

I hate that how dramatic you are with everything.. If you're sick you cry and overdo how sick you are. If you are sad, you cry until someone comforts you..if you are mad, everyone has to know or if you don't have something going your way, you freak out and have an anxiety attack over nothing.

I hate how ever since we were little you enabled my eating habits, how much I should or shouldn't eat, what I should or shouldn't eat, and how much ill gain from what I eat.. This of course caused me to not want to eat or be very cautious of what I put in my mouth.. I hate how you always got a way with calling me fat and if I even tried to defend myself, you just told me I was dumb or stupid.

I hate how you have to give me advice and expect me to take it. I hate that you think you are more educated than I am. I hate how you think I am dumb and going to get pregnant, while you are just a smarter person who is going to wait. I hate how you think I do not know anything and anything I do tell you, you have to question like its not a reliable source..

I hate how mom doesn't question the fact that you are bone skinny or that you barely eat anything.. I hate if you talk about OUR parents, you act as if you are their only child.. (Ex: my dad was 37 when he had me and than he decided to have another one) <-- like I am not even in that..

I hate that if I even get hurt by anything you say or do, you are just disrespectful in the way that I try to tell you, which often makes things worse..

I hate how you always think you are better than you're younger sister..
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(no subject) [Oct. 19th, 2009|08:13 pm]
[Current Mood |giddygiddy]

i love this man.
probably more than i should.
probably more than a person should love someone.
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a moment of weakness... [Oct. 14th, 2009|09:58 pm]
[Current Mood |indescribable]

i think its one of those moments where i have an electrical feeling of "love" running throughout my blood stream and making me feel cozy and giggly...

i cant stop smiling and i just want to tell everyone i love them.. i want to cuddle with everyone and just be mushy and romantic..

i absolutely love these types of moments.
i seem to crave them.

its almost like a moment of ecstasy and i just cant stop it.
even now i could write and write about how good i feel, but no amount of words could really make you feel how i feel.
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(no subject) [Oct. 12th, 2009|08:12 pm]
this past few weeks have been a blur.. but a good one at that.
i am happy and falling in love.
i have been working a lot, mostly every weekend which is the downside but i guess i shouldn't complain about it because i do have a job.
i hangout with eddie every minute i can, but i am still hesitant about it because i am scared he will get bored of me or just want his own space. i do give him space during the week too but i am not sure.
Eddie is turning 21 on wednesday (Oct.14) and i am super happy for him but at the same time i want to hangout with him on his bday but i know he wants to go to a bar..
i dunno i think i am jealous.. :/
and he's going to vegas the weekend of Oct.22 and i wish i could go but i am still a baby.. :(

i have no motivation for school at the moment either which is not good because if i dont get above a c average i will be kicked out of saddleback :( not gooood!

i really dont have much to say right now :(
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